This has NOTHING to do with wedding planning, but these are just some thoughts that are on my mind today and I just need to write it out...
I'm so frustrated with myself right now! Why am I ALWAYS striving for the bigger and the better? When will I just be content with the things that are within reason? For example, this apartment we're so close to signing the lease on. I KNOW without the both of us working it's NOT going to work. Why am I will to take the chance that Siah will magically find a job in a week because I want him too? He hasn't been able to find work for 6 months and I'm just expecting it to fall in our laps because I want this place SO bad? We can "make it work" with just my income, but the idea of living so tightly check to check is just not ideal. What if tomorrow he was offered a job halfway across the country? Would WE be willing to go with it like other people are and be away from each other for so long? Would WE sacrifice our time together for financial security? I would like to think we would, but I'm not so sure. In a way, the "economic crisis" is a good lesson for us to learn while we're still young and without children, but I need to get past the "OoOoOhhh shiny" of the moment to learn the lesson already! Can we live without underground heated parking? Yes. A pool? Of course. Then why am I so determined to have these things? I know part of it is that I want something to call my own. Something nice. Something I'm proud to "show off". But a cheaper, more ideal apartment can do that too! Plus, with this place there is NO way we can have a wedding within the next year. NO POSSIBLE way. We have our ENTIRE lives ahead of us to have nice things. I just need to get over wanting them right now in the moment.
And, yeah I know I'm a big loser if I have nothing better to do than to blog at 1o on a Friday night... :]
Anyways...just spilling my brain for the world to see..
-Melissa
I'm so frustrated with myself right now! Why am I ALWAYS striving for the bigger and the better? When will I just be content with the things that are within reason? For example, this apartment we're so close to signing the lease on. I KNOW without the both of us working it's NOT going to work. Why am I will to take the chance that Siah will magically find a job in a week because I want him too? He hasn't been able to find work for 6 months and I'm just expecting it to fall in our laps because I want this place SO bad? We can "make it work" with just my income, but the idea of living so tightly check to check is just not ideal. What if tomorrow he was offered a job halfway across the country? Would WE be willing to go with it like other people are and be away from each other for so long? Would WE sacrifice our time together for financial security? I would like to think we would, but I'm not so sure. In a way, the "economic crisis" is a good lesson for us to learn while we're still young and without children, but I need to get past the "OoOoOhhh shiny" of the moment to learn the lesson already! Can we live without underground heated parking? Yes. A pool? Of course. Then why am I so determined to have these things? I know part of it is that I want something to call my own. Something nice. Something I'm proud to "show off". But a cheaper, more ideal apartment can do that too! Plus, with this place there is NO way we can have a wedding within the next year. NO POSSIBLE way. We have our ENTIRE lives ahead of us to have nice things. I just need to get over wanting them right now in the moment.
And, yeah I know I'm a big loser if I have nothing better to do than to blog at 1o on a Friday night... :]
Anyways...just spilling my brain for the world to see..
-Melissa
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteYour wisdom blows me away. Mesha and I are so proud of the person you have become. I hope you don't mind that I somtimes butt in and give advice, but I just want the best for you! You are totally on the right track in this post. You should totally listen to yourself and find an apartment that may not be as flashy, but it affordable. You will be much happier in the end! Nice stuff just causes more stress and never makes us happier. Remember the Bible says that this stuff will all eventually be destroyed. Keep your mind on the eternal things, like love, friendship and your relationship with God!!!! Love the post! And you are not a loser!!!